the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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