it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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