Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
