Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
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