so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
