idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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