Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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