Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
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Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
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I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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