Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
birth control should be required to get into college
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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