do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
