I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
