If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
