Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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