so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
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Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
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Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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