Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
