I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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