sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
