Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
