Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
