dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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