i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
