i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
