I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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