two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
