'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
