The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like iHOP with fire
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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