Who did Billy Mays play for?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
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Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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