Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
