I seem to have left my pride at pride
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
