Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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