So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
