I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he shaved USA in his pubs
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Randomize
