So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
