he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
