I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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