that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
