ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
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i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
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Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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