Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
