He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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