Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
