Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
