frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
