why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
