Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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