it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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