And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
