I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.