i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's