I think about you every night.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
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Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
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Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.