Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.