He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it