i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.