I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
