He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she looked like the before picture.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
