If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
