i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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