haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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