I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
