Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
