You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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