did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize