don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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