I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
