Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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