i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
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I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
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You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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